My Dream, My Passion, My Hope

My goal when i entered the University was to get the necessary skills and technical knowledge on how to end World Hunger!

#NotKidding

This was around 2013.

I had read a newspaper (The Nation) article about world hunger problems and how many people (especially children) were dying due to malnutrition.

I was livid.

Why should anyone die of hunger, when nature can feed us all, abundantly?

I read everything i could on food processing, food preservation techniques ... you name it.
I dreamt it up, fantasized about it, it was my focus, i lived and breathed agric, i couldn't just stop thinking about it, i was fcking obsessed.

I wanted to study Agric. Engr. but i was convinced to study Mech. Engr. because technical knowledge of how machines work was more important.

It was a goal I'd set in stone and i was mad about it.
You could call me a deluded 18 year old but that dream gave me meaning, it gave my life a purpose and direction. I was excited every day to go to mum's shop to learn how to communicate with and sell to customers.
I bought and read Engineering textbooks
even before i was admitted. ‎I knew how many professors each technology university had.

I was determined to hit the ground running when i eventually get admitted. I got admitted into my exact course and Run i did!

In 100lvl
- I knew all the all the senior colleagues who are in 1st class students by name!
- I read like crazy
- And i crushed the exams earning a first class CGPA.

The reason i had a great result was not because i had set a goal to make all A's on the contrary It was because i had meaning, a purpose and direction.

I was on a mission - to End Hunger - by learning as much as could.

However, by 2nd year, i had began to get the memo, expectations were not matching reality.

The system was all about grades and scores.
No practicality, nothing.
The system was lifeless, no passion.

Studies no longer excited me.

Very few lecturers could explain how a concept connected to the real world. Although there's ample resources to figure stuff, i'd lose alot of time in order to understand it on my own and thus I'd be behind in other courses.

The materials given often had incorrect data and we (the student) had to figure it out make necessary corrections and study it. Ah! 😔 talk of unnecessary hardship!

Most lecturers were not passionate about what they taught and sometimes weren't knowledgeable about the material being taught.

To me, the system was rigged, you couldn't challenge ideas, deviation to what was dictated warranted an automatic 'F'.

It is a dream crushing, fucked up system, i needed to get the hell out but i needed a plan coz i couldn't just quit, y'know?

The system was just too rigid for me to fully explore.

To make matters worse, i had unconsciously made friends that were toxic, they didn't believe in me (even though i believed in and supported them) and each time i was trying to communicate my vision i got shut down, mocked and made fun of. Yeah, it broke my heart 💔. In retrospect, i should have left them sooner, they were practically useless fools! Oh, incase you're wondering, I've now got friends i can bounce the silliest ideas off of.

I was frustrated, miserable, depressed, broken, angry, unmotivated, pissed off and directionless. My dream of building the next billion dollar Agro company was dying in front of me and i couldn't do anything about it.

Well, technically there were a couple of options i could have taken to resuscitate my enthusiasm.

1. I could've dropped out and fully concentrate my efforts on achieving my goal. By this time, i couldn't. I had just won MTN Schorlarship, besides, what kind of a fool drops out of a university, when on track to graduate with 1st class and on scholarship??? my family would go nuts!
2. ‎i could stop attending classes: this meant I'd get a lot of D's and E's because class attendance highly correlates with academic performance. I couldn't risk losing my first class and scholarship simultaneously based on that.
3. ‎I could learn on the side. I chose this option. It's the safest. What could go wrong? right? Wrong!

I found myself between the devil and the deep blue sea. I couldn't fully concentrate on my studies neither could I read up on how to achieve my goals.

At this point i had lost my drive. I hated lectures, test and shits. I was just not interested anymore!


***More to come***